His name's Bob Johnson. Or Robert Johnson, maybe. I suppose.
How can I hate him? I'm an adult. In my 40's. Rational, thoughtful and understanding. Capable of thoughts BEYOND my own limited self-interest, and introspective enough to know what's right and what's wrong. I also know that by even posting this, I might create create a poisonous thought for her about me. I may just ENGENDER resentment and even hatred. I hope not. I hope she's able to understand that.... yeah...
He might know I exist, I suppose. He might have Googled the last entry and asked a pointed question or two, which means I'm now some kind of interloper.
I used to think his name was Mick. He of the.... no. I won't do that. But Mick was my nemesis. Bob's just this guy, right? Living the good life. Loving a woman WORTH loving. If you were him, wouldn't you? Of course you would. Who wouldn't? She's just...
But I can't help the emotion, right? I can't help but feel that Bob took my spot?
He's liberal. Progressive to be certain. He's capable of doing depraved and loving things. Yeah. Maybe he loves cars. He better love some cats, that's for certain. He does not deserve my hatred.
But there ya go. He has it anyway.
Course, Bob can beat me into a stain if push comes to shove. Bob can buy and sell me four times over. I'm about as purposeful as a caterpillar to Bob. I'm also being deeply, deeply petty and self-pitying, which has got to be REALLY attractive.
Take care of her, huh? Make her as happy as you are able. Cause while I was just this... momentary distraction that got caught in the sunburst magic of her glance, you... you are the one she decided upon for ever and ever. And there are people who would die for that. Hell. Depending on when you find this... maybe someone who DID die for that.
I know that some day Google may drop this in your lap. I dunno when. But I expect it to, nonetheless, sooner or later. And I'm being VERY selfish by doing ANY of this. I'm sorry for that. I should be stronger.
...But you got the most important thing on the planet for me. You got the thing that I think about FIRST when I read the news or feel the earth shake, or see something beautiful and inspirational. And though my hatred means nothing to you... at least let my love tell you what you should do, and guide your plans and your dreams. You have the most precious thing I've ever seen.
...Goddamit. You'd better love her.